Men ARE not mind readers (repost)

I got an egoistic-filled-fwd-email courtesy of the irrepressible adiktus,ive taken the initiative
to send it to number nine read her comments and die jedi die!!!!lol =p
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered “1“
ON PURPOSE!1. Men ARE not mind readers. –

Women are. We see through eyes that lie.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. –

Those eeky pee stains on the bowl. Yucky!

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail. –

If that’s how you see releasing frustration is. We don’t want to ruin our fists for punching the wall in the first place.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! –

Gahd! How bobo…. You can’t even figure out clues.

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem . See a doctor. –

Try reading about menstruation then dysmenorrhea and all that shit. You’ll get a clearer understanding why there’s that perpetual headache.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us. –

We know when we get fat. And just need confirmation.. If you want to leave us for being fat, then by all means do so. Chocolate is better than sex, anyway.Lol.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one . –

Yeah, but there are many better ways of saying something.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. –

We just want a fair share of chores, faggot.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. –

Duh.. Egotistical maniac! That’s how you waste tons and tons of gasoline for driving all over a place, looking for Destination X. That’s one of the reasons why asking was made up in the first place, anyway.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. –

Eh why does my dad know mauve? You could be one of the lowlier forms of the male species. Mwahahaha!

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear. –

That’s what they call rhetorical, bozo.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.